


pomegranate

by antiquescissors



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, i feel iffy on characterization but idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 11:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiquescissors/pseuds/antiquescissors
Summary: I am tired of anger. And you are always so red.





	pomegranate

While I am aware that my quietness is the result of unfortunate circumstances, I should also note that it has aided me in many ways. For an example, it helps me to be more observant than those who are distracted by their own voices. I catch little details that some do not want me to catch. 

I saw you. 

You had sunken against the wall, knees to your chest, head buried in your crossed arms. Your face was hidden, and I could only fully identify you through your trademark red hair. Surely you had heard my footsteps, yet you made no effort to raise your head. I could only stand awkwardly. I know that I am talented, and I say that in the least conceited way possible--I am fully aware of my downsides as well--but I believe that standing awkwardly is my best and most notable talent. 

I did not speak to you. Not even to ask you why you were so upset, though I had an inkling. It's a little difficult to fully explain why, but know that I have many reasons; not least among them the fact that I am afraid of your anger. I know that you don't like me. Whenever you are near me, you make it as clear as crystal. Sometimes I wish that we might be near to each other without your anger huddled between us. I will admit that. I have always taken notice of your achievements and thought of you as an intelligent individual. Why can you not do the same for me? I won't complain. As previously mentioned, I am well aware of my downfalls, as I am well aware of yours. 

One of your own downfalls is your expression. You are an extremely emotional person, which would not be such an issue if you did not express it with such clarity. Despite the fact that emotion can be considered strength in and of itself, people believe that you are weaker in showing it. 

One of my downfalls is my expression. I can be more emotional than people dare to realize, yet I can never express it to them. Although those I work with believe me to be stoic because of this, they also believe me to be cold. 

The color of anger, of the emotion that seeps through all too often, is red. It is the color of your hair, the color of your suit, and it is the color that radiated off of you in a cramped elevator as you leaned against its wall. 

The color of coldness is blue. In truth, white is the color of all things frozen and freezing, but blue captures the emotion behind coldness. Blue is the color through which coldness expresses itself. The meaning of white, traditionally, is purity. Cleanliness. These are the two colors with which I surround myself. Coldness and purity. I know things that you do not know, and if you knew the things that I know, you would know how ugly I think those concepts are. 

That is something that I would say to you if you would let me grow closer to you. I have grown marginally closer to Shinji, and that creates more openness between us. Between you and I, there is only a partial openness on your side; that is, you feel open to treating me like a robot. 

If we were open with each other, you might tell me why you were hunched against the wall. I would reply with an empathetic response. One day, I might tell you all that had happened to me. I might tell you that I was not the first, and that I very well may not be the last. In response to this, I am not sure that you show as much empathy, but I'd like to believe that you would at least show grudging pity. It pleases me to know that you would understand. I had mentioned earlier that I considered you a very intelligent individual, and still I stick to that belief. I only wonder why you cannot think of me similarly. You know that I am intelligent, but you do not think of me as an intelligent person--you think of me as a robot with artificial intelligence. You think of me as a doll. You think that I am only good for taking orders and carrying them out. Maybe you're right. 

But I would prefer to think that you are not. 

Today, I saw you. You were sunken against the wall, curled into a ball made up of yourself. I wanted to speak to you, but I didn't. I am tired of anger. And you are always so red. 

I had walked past you, yet, as I walked, I was heading towards the bathroom. I thought of you. Sometimes I do have more negative feelings towards you than I would like to have. After all, you are hot red and I am cold blue. I make a turn. I think of the laughter that comes out of you, just as loud as your troubled yelling, and the sniffling, quiet and furious. It is almost as though you are angry at yourself for crying at all. I make another turn. I think of you as an extremely intelligent individual, and, in favor of honesty, I should admit that I think of you as a beautiful one, too. I make another turn. But why is it that you so often shut me out? I try to seep into you, like water soaks into sponges, and you've made sure to stay dry. I make another turn. While I'd like to keep our relationship as professional as possible, there is also scientific proof that we would work together more efficiently if we were closer. I make another turn. So why won't you--

I look at my eyes in the mirror. Red as fire. 

The moments in which I see your troubled feelings and choose to walk away from them still upset me to this day. What irritates me even more is that you do not believe that I have the ability to be upset. I have seen my own eyes, it offered me a moment of reflection. No matter how enveloped I am by coldness and purity, blue and white, I cannot change the red anger of my eyes. Another thing I recall is that your own eyes are blue. Another interesting fact about blue is that, besides representing coldness, it can also represent both intelligence and sadness. Ignore it though you might, these are key parts of you. And, if I must, I will admit that anger is as essential to me as my lungs. As my heart, red with blood, and my veins, blue and icy as the sea. 

When I was met with the reflection of my eyes, I could only think of yours. That is a sign that I spend too much of my time focused on you. Still. It is interesting to me to think of your blue eyes, and of the meaning of them. I could share this with you if we were closer. If you were willing. If we, if we--

I see you. 

Sometimes I wish you'd catch yourself in the mirror. 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: rei rhymes with gay.


End file.
